Bad decisions pending

Death is coming for me. It marches one day at a time, nearer and nearer. And in case I forget how many days I have left, Royal Caribbean has a fun little counter:

Growing up in the PNW means I’m not accustomed to hot conditions. I’m also not great with freezing cold conditions. I’ve spent my whole life coddled between the Pacific Ocean and the Cascades. It’s seldom too hot or too cold.

I was seventeen the first time I left the Evergreen. When I landed in Atlanta Georgia to meet the future in-laws, I was determined to make a good impression. What I actually did, was take a step outside and started wheezing like an asthmatic seal.

Never in my life had I experienced that type of humidity and it felt like I wasn’t breathing. His parents panicked and ripped open my luggage in the middle of the walkway trying to find the inhaler I didn’t have.

Europe was great. I did manage to get sunburned in Scotland, but overall, I was in my environment. My daughter and I are cold blooded. It’s like we lower our body heat to match the weather. My son son who was eight at the time, parked it in the hot tub where he was surrounded by adoring women. My husband shivered in the corner 90% of the time.

Mexico wasn’t too terrible. After spending enough time in Georgia, Cancun was easier humidity-wise, but oh so bright. So, when you’re a blue-eyed girl of Celtic descent with the vision of a mole, the whole resort picks up on it real quick.

Donning the darkest shades and the highest SPF the resort had, I was not only blind, lobster red, but had the need for adventure! Vacations are meant for exploring, and I was going to waddle my blind, burnt ass to the secluded areas of the resort in the early mornings. This made the resort staff nervous because early mornings are when alligators like to come out.

The staff resorted to following me around in their golf carts, pleading with me to get in the cart every morning as I aimlessly wandered.

So, needless to say, I don’t make the best decisions in the heat. I get irrational, cranky, emotional, and I’m usually in pain. I got sunburned in freaking Scotland on a cloudy day. Yet here I am, 28 days away from 7 days of non-stop pain and emotional distress for not just me, but the people who are responsible for keeping me alive in this state.

That’s right, the Grissoms are going to the Caribbean for a week. We booked one of those globes of a cruise ships, the Icon of the Seas. It’s pretty much a whole resort on a boat. The goal is to have so much to do that we almost never get off the boat. I’m really big on my kids having independence, so being able to set them loose in a resort where I can’t freaking lose them is pretty good stuff.

They can eat when they want, swim when they want, explore, I can give them an allotted balance on their wristbands so they can buy something if they want. There’s an escape room, arcade, surf lessons, water slides. Meanwhile, my husband will sit at the swim up bar where he finally get’s his pina colada.

As for me, I’m going to be a dark cloud in the shade reeking of sunscreen. I’ll still get sunburned one way or another. But I’m thinking scuba diving…