Vacation: Caribbean edition

Act I:

Some cruise ships offer a WiFi package with their unlimited soda package, but Icon of the Seas grabs parents by the cojones and charges 40$ a day per device for internet. Taking a break from the internet is crucial for levity and at the excess of 800$ a week for internet, it was time for my children to gain some levity.

Our first cruise was to the U.K and while it was on the smaller, Jewel of the Seas, it’s safe to say our children enjoyed it more than the Caribbean. Maybe it was the heat and humidity that drove them to the chilly arms of the cabin, maybe it was punishment for not buying internet, either way, we were on vacation and our children would not leave the cabin.

We tried encouraging them with all seven waterslides and six pools, the kid zones promising arts and crafts, the tried and true hot tubs and all important Windjammer. The live shows, the trivia, the rock wall climbing, archery, unlimited soft serve, that Crows Edge thing where they sling your kid off the side of boat with a zipline…

The children were unmovable. Much to the chagrin of the housekeeper and two rather eager parents, those pre-teens had wedged themselves in bed and weren’t going anywhere.

Encouragement wasn’t working, so maybe bribery would.

Cruisers leave little rubber duckies all over. It’s a tradition much like the duckies you see bedazzling the occasional Jeep, people like to leave rubber duckies in solidarity for all the parents who have a nice bed and no private time. Okay, maybe not in solidarity, but the frustration was brewing. And not just for personal reasons, it was the fact that we spent so much money on a vacation finely detailed for all the things our children usually enjoy only to find them not enjoying anything.

So we stewed over this for at least three days. Adjusting our tactics, we came up with a new idea.

“Just act cool, if they know we want the room, they will refuse…”

“We don’t care what they do. We’re having fun without them.”

“Loads of fun!”

Yeah, so that tactic lasted all of five minutes before our housekeeper heard us shouting, “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!”

The children left the room and we did not.

ACT II:

There are two types of travelers. The casual traveler enjoys shade under an umbrella, a melty drink, and long bouts of staring out at nothing. They come wearing sunscreen and sunglasses with a crossword puzzle and they know the name of the bartender’s wife. These are ideally the best to travel among. Their idea of a fantastic excursion is the tour bus that makes no stops. The casual traveler is there for a bit of peace and quiet, dammit.

Then we have the adventurer. Now, the adventurer is a totally different beast. They have an itinerary they may or may not follow. The Adventurer explores their surroundings for all of five minutes before they prep for their excursion. Water bottle in hand and smelling of bug repellant, they march down the gangway in the darkest sunglasses and widest of wide brimmed hats. Their march gives the distinct impression that they have somewhere important to be and in a hurry.

This is the crux of the Grissom vacation dilemma as three of the four are casual travelers while I, dear reader, am an adventurer.

If it involves a hike through the jungle or being launched from a high place, I am all in. Drop me into dark caverns, hike along rocky cliffs, maybe not scuba diving. I’ll admit I’m a bit nervous about being a half-decent swimmer going deep underwater with nothing but an oxygen tank and a dream.

The adventurer probably scheduled and arranged the whole vacation and is likely the only person who bothered to download the itinerary.

When the three casual travelers expressed interest in leaving the ship, I was thrilled! The kids wanted to leave the room and the husband was willing to leave his favorite lounging spot. Three days at sea will do that to even the casuals. Scanning the list of excursions, my eyes instantly went to the one where you get to zipline from the tallest peak of the island. That sounds amazing. How many people get to say they drove/hiked all the way up the tallest peak of an island and ziplined all the way back down to the shore again? Freaking cool!

I knew right away that the family wouldn’t feel the same, so I settled for less: Horseback riding along the beach.

Slow, scenic, animals…

In the end, we went scuba diving. And despite her protesting, I think my daughter enjoyed herself. My husband and son watched us swim away from the shore, confident we’d return when we were hungry. I fell in love with scuba diving and a sea cucumber.

We swam with the fishes and turtles, spotted a Rockfish. It wasn’t a breath taking adventure, but it was a peaceful kind of excursion that sent me back to wishing I was a mermaid who lived under the sea.